Oh, boy.........

....where do I even start.

2011 was the worst year of my life. 2012 might be even worse, it's been downright awful so far. And I keep meaning to write about it, because writing helps me to think about it, but I relly just don't feel I have any energy anymore.

That, and most of my friends have moved off from Livejournal entirely.

But I guess, if anything, this gives me just a little bit of venting privacy. Of course, this is a public entry, so it's not actually private. But I don't expect many people are going to read this. If you are in fact reading this, congratulations! You win my whining.

Okay well. It would take too long to really explain what's going on. But the fact of the matter is, I am once again stuck in Brazil. Because I'm a huge dumbass and I had a bit of a mental breakdown and called my mom on the last day of Summer finals and sobbed my heart out until I was raw. And of course the only thing to do was to move back. And I hate it. I hate it!

I love Brazil, don't get me wrong. But I can' LIVE here. I miss California so much. I miss Los Angeles. I miss Burbank. I miss being able to drive places and get around and see my friends and just...
Los Angeles.
Every time I land there, when the plane flies low, I press my face against the window and watch the city pulse with life.

It's a city that calls to me, sings to me, it's my home.

And as much as I love Brazil, it is not my home anymore. It was my home when I was a kid. But now...

I miss my friends tremendously. I have no friends in Brazil. I'm lonely. I'm desperate. I have no one to talk to, no one to hang out with, no one to share laughs with.

Sure, I have the internet. I can talk to people on skype and aim and tumblr and twitter. (and LJ, but everyone left). But it's not the same thing. I want hugs. I want sleepovers. I want to be there...

...I think I'll cut this post here before I start to cry again.

Pictures of Rio, Day 1

I went to Rio last Friday the 16th and took a million pictures. Here is a small sample of my first day there.

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So as we were in the planetarium, it started raining hard, and by the time we made it back to Copacabana the streets were flooded and the inside of our windows were so fogged up we couldn't see anything. By some miracle we made it to a parking garage and there we stayed until the rain passed and the water level went down enough to walk to the hotel.


Gosh this week has gone by too fast :C

I'm somewhat starting to get back up on my feet, but generally speaking, I still don't feel all right.
I keep slipping behind, forgetting things, and I get more and more upset with myself.

I've come to realize many things about myself, not all of them very pleasant.

And then I get mad because despite what I've been through I still have it so much better than a lot of people. Dammit, self. Stop complaining and get walking already.
Three Gay Caballeros

Hello, Livejournal!

Long time no see!
I didn't intend to let my journal sit abandoned for so long... Okay, I sort of did. Really, after everything that's happened to me this year, I had a really hard time coming back to LJ, in that I still feel the stings of earlier disappointments when I post here... Anyway, this was a good and bad summer, cleansing yet somewhat hectic. And I emerge from it with new thoughts and insights, hopefully ready to start journalling again. God knows I need that.

There are many things I could talk about today, but I guess I'll focus on the start of school. It has been two weeks now, and I'm settling into a routine. I have a lot of cool classes, but the best of all is History of Animation, cause I get to sit around and watch cartoons for two and a half hours! And we learn things!! It's awesome. By the way, my teacher is Jerry Beck, editor of Cartoon Brew. He's a great guy :D

Oh! And lately I've been playing this videogame called 999: 9 Hours 9 Persons 9 Doors. I just finished it last night- or should I say, 1 in the morning- and... seriously... it has the most whacked out twist ending of any videogame I've ever played oAo Not to mention, there are actually six endings, and I got all the BAD ENDs before I got the good one, lol. I'm still in a hype from playing it, man. It's like Saw, with anime character archetypes! It's like Professor Layton, with impending death! It's epic and intense and if you like horror and puzzles YOU NEED TO PLAY IT. And this is coming from someone who usually hates horror. I actually didn't know what the game was about when I bought it so I was surprised by how dark it was, but I am very satisfied.

Hm... what else is there to say... Oh yes, a few weeks ago, I had my first kiss ;3; this deserves to be recorded in my journal.

Ah well! There is still too much I'd like to tell you, but the time is now past. See ya!
Sleep or work?

I'm so tired

so tired of feeling useless and sick
so tired of stressing out over everything
so tired of it

This week has not been fun.
Tuesday I tried to get out of bed and couldn't and ended up taken to the emergency room.
Thankfully I'm fine but I feel sick like butts and that feeling just isn't going away.
The ER doctors said my thyroid hormone levels are too high. Dr. Hans thinks there's nothing wrong with that. He said he might be willing to lower my dose, though.


On a brighter note, I recently went to see the Tim Burton exhibit at LACMA. It was so cool!
He has such a delicate intricacy to his drawings that at the same time are so bold and expressive. Truly unique work.
However, he's pretty much my opposite in terms of artistic taste. I prefer things colorful, cute and clean.
Oh, they had there a short film he directed for the Disney Channel several years ago. It was only aired once and then everyone thought it was lost, but they found a copy of it! It was so freakin' bizarre though, I wonder how they ever even approved it.
It was Hansel and Gretel + Japanese monster movie.

Well, it was a cool show in any case.
Now I need to get myself back into the swing of things. My whole family is worried about me. My dad is coming to visit me for a few weeks, so that will be good, I think. I really really miss Brazil, man...

(no subject)

Oops. It seems I've left my journal sitting for far too long.
Ever since I moved back to California, my life has been totally hectic. But it's settled down somewhat, so I'll get back to writing and updating.

Right now I want to vent a little bit because I'm having these massive mood swings lately, completely uncontrollable, and they are ruining my life.

I think they're a side effect of the hormones, but I need to talk to my doctor about this.

Anyway I spent last Saturday with haircurl and France, because it was France's brother's birthday, so there was a party and a pinata and it was awesome! I was glad for that, very happy. But on Sunday I was consumed by utter RAGE. Rage like you don't even know. I don't even know. And so it's been rage, sadness, sadness, rage, calm, joy, rage, sadness, over and over since, I can't make it stop.

Oh, I hardly know what to do anymore...