I LOST
MY IPOD
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
LEGAL-KUN DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:
;________________;
gah
I'm so stupid
godammit
*bashes head against wall*

Also this is unrelated but my mom asked me to help out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZXHv98GeHg
This is a mini-documentary made by our friends Patrese and Barbara.
Please watch and rate and/or leave a comment. OTL

( doodle )

I think her name is Maple.

Hnnnnn I feel bad today.
Emily's angry at me, I think Taylor's trying to edge me out, Nathan's ignoring everyone, and then there are tons of other issues, and then I think this guy likes me but then it might just be wishful thinking on my part....

On the other hand there's AX. I'm very excited for that, but... Well, first of all I need money, I have $27.26 saved up as of right now, and theeeeen we have to try and work out all these issues because I just want to have fun with everyone! Come on. It's an anime convention.... I don't want this kind of drama to ruin it...

Oh, and I'm pretty sure Benji will be there. I should ask Bec about that.

( SPOILERS for season finales of House, Bones, and Lie to Me! )

Ok, actual journal type things... Hmmm, my friends are seriously starting to piss me off. Do they really think they're getting anything by starting drama like that? God, immature people are just so...
BTW, Kirai, I need to hear you for a bit. Jess was going around today saying you were badmouthing her and the others and glaring at people. Now, from what I understand you've decided to keep quiet, so this sounds very odd to me. Have you said anything today that could be misinterpreted?

When I went to the regular Monday Mantra meeting, there was cake. And on said cake was a big ol' Soviet flag. So I'm like, "Why do you have a communist cake?" and they're like, "because it's communist week."

Did you know tomorrow is Karl Marx's birthday?

Anyway, they offered me cake and who am I to turn down cake, even if it is communist? So I ate it. And the cake part was actually really good, well, ok, kinda tasteless but it was chocolate so whatever. But the icing was horrible. It was so bitter I choked on it.

Anyway.

Today me and Nathan and Jasmine went to the library. Nathan got his guitar so we set to figuring out some music to go with my song that I wrote, No Evil, which is by the way the song I read at Open Mic a few weeks ago (except it was only the first five stanzas). OH! NEW PEOPLE ON MY F-LIST. That link goes to my writing journal, quandtfiction, which I update once every eon or somesuch. I also put it on DA. Anyway, we also went to Nathan's house and he showed me his swords and this really cool Nazi German knife that his grandfather got apparently when he stabbed the guy with his own knife... chills o-o

In either case, I'm feeling good today, but I know a lot of my friends are stressed like heck and everyone kinda hates each other right now AND I HATE THIS DRAMA Jesus Christ why is everyone so immature :/

Today,
Obama's 100th day in office.

...
I don't know if I feel better or worse than yesterday...

Some pretty interesting things did happen, though. I met some crazy Hetalia fans at my school and it was bizaaaaaaaarre because I had actually read their fanfics and it was like WHOA. Meeting anons in real life. whaaaaaaaat

Mmmmmm. :/ This kind of conflict... I can't really allow it for myself, but... Why do I still do... *mumblemumble*

I might end up making a rant post....

801_addict: I hate to see this happen to you, you don't deserve it at all- on both counts. I trust you. Damn, it's not your fault! You shouldn't be blamed! And I am rather pissed, and I feel kind selfish that I'm so pissed, but there. I don't want you to leave.

SPOILERS ARE THE DEVIL
I SHOULD'VE LEARNED NOT TO LOOK THEM UP BY NOW

Sorry about that earlier. But I really do hate Greg.

Anyway, today and yesterday, by pure chance I ran into more Hetalia fans at my school, previously unknown. Two of them were talking rather excitedly about some China/Russia video they saw, and today in my English class:

( She points into my bag... )

IN OTHER NEWS

LEGAL-KUN HAS A SCRATCH ;_____________;
Yes this is important
I shouldn't have kept him in the same pocket as my keys DDD:
WHAAAAAAAAAAH LEGAAAAAAAAAL

But it did result in my friends giving me new cracky ideas
But still

LEGAAAAAAL T______T

let me drown my sorrows with a meme

Comment to this post and I will give you 5 subjects/things I associate you with. Then post this in your LJ and elaborate on the subjects given!
( Tagged by Chassy and Pretzels )

Lastly, I had a weigh-in at school. I've actually gained some weight. Which is good, since I was underweight before, and now I'm fine. Not to mention I'm building some muscle.

Ok, so my brother got here. And I love him dearly. BUT HE KEEPS CALLING ME A WEEABOO. SO GODFRICKIN ANNOYING. DDDDD<

Ok yeah, I like a lot of stuff that comes from Japan, that doesn't make me a weeaboo! You're Brazilian and you like a lot of stuff from the United States, that doesn't mean I can insult you all the time like that! Arghh!

So today I totally spent $60 of the $160, 40 of which were on gifts and the twenty on a book of Japanese casual conversation and a PUZZLE CUBE.

THIS PUZZLE CUBE.

IT IS SO MESMERIZING.

Like seriously you cannot believe how fun it is to just solve it over and over and over again

It's actually supposed to work like this: You put a gift inside it and it locks, and the person who gets it has to solve the cube before they can have the gift. But I just had to buy it for myself. It is so amazing. So I keep putting random objects in it, like my Phoenix Wright keychain. BUT IT IS SO AWESOME.

My mom though, didn't like it at all. She said she would hate it if anyone gave her a present inside a puzzle cube. BUT I WOULD LOVE THEM TO DEATH.

And then I have to spend even more money, because I still have two friends that I need to buy gifts for... Actually more... WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY FRIENDS!?!? I really need a job.

By the way, if I've been moody to you this week (because I know I have been) it's mostly because my application for the sister city program got rejected D; I mean, I understand that with 30 or so applications you gotta cut some people... but they didn't even give me an interview... so I just feel really shortlisted.

On the other hand, I now feel this big surge of motivation to study even more Japanese and try and register for another exchange program like the Rotary club. Also, I can offer to host a Japanese student for next year's exchange, so that's good.

FUDGE. I'M BEHIND ON MY NANO. why is it so hard to write aaagh

-eats KitKats-

Also, the mall is totally and completely taken over by teenage girls. It's like the zombie apocalipse, except not. Dang Twilight movie!

Teacher: You all can't wait until the bell rings, can you?
All the Twilight fans in class: HELLZ YEAH

Some random girl: They cut out so much stuuuuuuff ;_;

Yes. This is life.

You're probably going to start reading this and think, "oh QU go emo someplace else", but I need to vent somewhere, anywhere, and this is my private journal so the next paragraphs are going to be drama-filled angstcakes, ya got it?

I'm lonely. That's it. I feel so terribly alone. I' stressed out from school, so stressed I made myself sick and had to stay home today, and I feel like throwing up from anxiety, and my head hurts and I just want to cry until I don't have any tears left to cry, and maybe it's just a hormone swing or something silly like that, but I actually did cry, in front of my mother, even. I'm alone and I feel vulnerable and I just want to be able to hug my friends again. Moving is not easy. It really isn't. I have a home but I don't feel at home and I just want to feel like I belong. I love this place, I really do, the weather is wonderful and the people are friendly but wonderful weather and friendly people aren't enough. I know I think I have friends but I feel like I'm being ditched, and I feel like no one is listening, I feel like Usui actually, the kid on the school roster that no one ever notices until they do something terribly embarassing (although I do not have a bald spot). I feel so ignored and lonely it's made me sick.

And then next week my mom's off to Brazil for two weeks and I don't even know what to do. I might just spend Halloween alone because my friends just wouldn't care enough to even try and socialize me. All I've done ever since I got here is go out with my mom and while I do love her dearly it's just not enough. God I miss my friends. I miss my brother and I miss Brazil. It's killing me. Today I drank some hot chocolate from a Drogamed mug and then remembered what my brother told me last summer, that Drogamed is out of business. And I feel as if everyone is going on with their lives without me, leaving me behind. And I know it's unreasonable and silly to think this when they still obviously care for me, but I miss everyone, all the time. It's impossible to feed all this neediness. I try and drown it all through fandom (which I also love dearly) but at times I feel like I'm just delusional... like a recreational drug; fun while it lasts but afterwards you feel like crap.

And I know there's nothing I can do. When I moved from Brazil it took me six months to feel like I even had a home. I really just want to be able to scream "ZETSUBOSHITA" and then laugh at myself and say, "Julia you are one melodramatic little kitten", but of course it's not as simple as that. It's not anything I can just brush off and it's not anything I can fix either, so am I just going to feel this way for the next six months? Drown my sorrows in chocolate, or art, or fandom crack? I really just don't know.

I really wish things were simple. Like an on or off switch. This whole post is barely even coherent, I'm just streaming out thoughts as they come to me, I've been typing nonstop for the past ten minutes, and it's really almost 11 PM, and I sprayed my pillow with perfume because I saw on Yahoo news that good smells make good dreams and I really can't afford to be plagued by nightmares tonight. And now a pause.... Because I think I've let off enough steam.

Thank you.